


From the Inside

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, No Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-11-15
Updated: 2003-11-15
Packaged: 2018-12-27 15:02:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12083523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Brian's thoughts on the break-up and getting back together with Justin.





	From the Inside

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

Darkness enveloped my soul the moment he walked out the door with the fiddle player. I tried to be the same man I was before him, but I couldn't. I was too far-gone. He had changed me. 

 

I went about my daily life as if nothing were wrong when inside I was slowly dying. I longed for him, for his touch, his kiss, his breath on my chest as he slept. I went out of my way to be near him. I invented reasons to see him. 

 

I searched the crowd for blond hair every time I was on the street. Whenever I heard violin music, my heart broke even more. I missed him. If only I could tell him, then maybe just maybe he would come home. 

 

But I couldn't do that. That would ruin everything I had worked so hard for. Besides he wouldn't believe me anyway. 

 

I used Mikey as a substitute, only he wasn't whom I wanted. I wanted Justin. I craved Justin. I needed Justin. 

 

I did everything I could think of to get him out of my head. I fucked lots of men. I bought a new car. I ran a campaign for a man I hated. Anything to forget him. 

 

He was everywhere. Every fucking where. At the diner. At the munchers'. At Debbie's. I couldn't escape him. I didn't want to escape him. 

 

I buried myself in my work. Until he invaded that space as well. When I saw him standing there, I almost forgot who I was and took him into my arms. He looked so delicious standing there. So kissable. Fuck, I missed him. 

 

Then he told me that he didn't do boyfriends. He threw my words right back in my face and it nearly killed me. Despite everything I said, I wanted to be his boyfriend. I wanted to be anything to him at that moment. 

 

I wanted to pull him into my arms and take him home and fuck him for days. Instead I made some smart-ass comment and left. I was so scared that if I did he would leave again. 

 

The day he kissed me, my heart soared. It felt so good to feel his lips on mine again. I had said something stupid again. I told him to be a man or some shit and he showed me just how brave he really was. 

 

Later that night, I called him back. I broke down and asked him to come back. Not to me, but to work. And essentially to me. In a moment of weakness, I let my walls down and let him see into my soul. I ordered him to never ever play violin music in my presence ever again. And he promised. 

 

After that, I swear I heard angels sing. When he locked that door, I knew I was a goner. There was no turning back. I opened myself up to the one person in the world that I could trust with my heart. That kiss, oh that kiss. 

 

He was so playful that night. And I couldn't contain my happiness either. When he pulled that shirt off of me, I knew that what was about to happen held a deeper meaning than either of us could imagine. 

 

Someone once told me that there's no time like the first time. But I have to tell you the second first time is even better.


End file.
